My journey to hiring TWO doulas
When my husband and I were preparing for the birth of our first child 2 years ago, I had never really heard of a doula. I dragged my husband to a hospital childbirth class, a massage class, a breastfeeding class, the birth class for our OB practice, and finally, an independent natural childbirth class. It was during this last class that I really came to find out what a doula was – someone who knew what the heck was going on! I really wanted someone like that, especially because I didn't feel comfortable having my mom at my birth (nor did I think she'd make it since she lives 7 hours away)! But after all the time and money spent on classes, my husband was skeptical. To him, it was MORE money to be shelled out to pay for someone to rub my back. Since he gave in to my request for all those classes, I gave in and we didn't hire a doula. We were under the care of midwives, so I thought we were safe. I learned the hard way.
At 37 weeks and 3 days into my first pregnancy, my water broke. It was a big pop and gush. Like good first time parents, we called the midwife and reported what happened, and then we called our parents. Since it was late at night, we went to bed. My husband slept, but I didn't. I kept waiting for something to happen. Surely I would go into labor on my own! It never happened. At 2 AM I managed to fall asleep, only to be awoken by my mom 2 hours later as they informed me they had arrived in Georgia. In the morning, about 10 hours after my water broke, we went into the hospital to be induced. I was scared of what pitocin might do to my plan for an unmedicated birth, but I didn't feel like I had any choice.
When the induction started, I was 3cm & 80% effaced. I was pretty happy with such a good starting point. The pitocin was not anything like I had imagined – it was actually much easier. I never felt anything I would describe as pain, just lots of tightening and pressure. I felt strong and powerful. I was impressed with myself for handling it so well. I remembered to stay upright as much as possible, to go to the bathroom, to sit on my birth ball and rock. We had our books from our classes for reference, and we used some techniques in them to try to help things along (we knew that our baby was OP, and we tried what we knew how to do to turn him, but we didn't know enough). I felt like we were doing well. But eventually, things began to take a slippery slope as far as possible away from the “intervention free” birth I had envisioned.
First, they wanted to put a contraction monitor in me because I wasn't complaining enough through the contractions. They didn't believe they were strong enough. I let them. Then, I was moving too much to keep a good tracing on the baby's heart rate, so they wanted to put a scalp electrode in to get a better reading. I told them as long as I could stay on my birth ball, that was fine, too. It came out twice and had to be reinserted. At the 24 hour mark after my water had been broken, I was given IV antibiotics. When I had been in labor for 15 hours (water broken 26 hours), the midwife (who I had met once before – in a class) gave me an ultimatum. I hadn't progressed in 11 hours (at which point I was 5 cm) and she wanted me to get an epidural, take a nap, and see if that would help. At this point, I knew that she had given up on me. I lost my faith in myself, and I consented to the epidural. To me, it was the epitome of failure. I knew that getting it wouldn't help because I had felt relaxed all day. I knew that I was getting a c-section. An hour after it was placed, the midwife returned (from assisting in another c-section), declared me unchanged, and I consented to my c-section. There was nothing wrong with me, and there was nothing wrong with my baby.
I slept through my son's birth – partly because I was exhausted from being up for 2 days, and partly because I was given sedative medications. When my son had to go to the nursery for bloodwork, my husband went with him and I was alone in recovery – watching a clock, so drugged up and tired that I didn't even know what day it was (for a few days).
So why did I tell you this story? Well, I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. In some ways, I believe I HAD to go through this experience to truly understand what was missing from my birth. I believe, without a doubt, that having a doula would have changed my entire birth experience. When my water broke, I would have called her and we would have talked about my options (besides pitocin). My induction could have waited. She might have suggested nipple stimulation to help secrete natural oxytocin, instead of flooding my body with chemicals. When we were stalled at 5 cm for all those hours, with a baby we knew was posterior (from an ultrasound the day my water broke), she would have known more techniques to help him turn, and she would have known how to better use the ones we tried. When the midwife came at me with an ultimatum, she would have had me seriously think about it. She would not have given up on me. All I needed was one person to tell me that I could still do this, that I wasn't failing. And if all that still led to the point where the midwife recommended a c-section, she would have reminded me that I was fine, and my baby was fine. She would have reminded me that I could say no. And even if my birth ultimately ended in a c-section, I would never have had to be alone. Someone would have been there for me when my husband was watching over our son.
So, here I am, 19-1/2 months after the day my world changed. I'm 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant today, with a baby girl. This time, I didn't drag my husband to any classes. I have prepared for this birth using the Hypnobabies home study course. But I DID make one demand (it was non-negotiable) - we hired a doula. We hired two, actually.
It all started when I was about 9 weeks pregnant. I met two doulas at a teacher training I was taking to become certified to teach one of the birth classes we took with our first pregnancy. One had had two VBACs herself, and the other had just had her sixth baby. I liked them both for different reasons, so I emailed them about their doula services. Ultimately, we chose someone else. But when our birth plans changed, the first thing I wanted to do was reevaluate my choice of doula. I emailed them again, but this time I sent the email with both of their email addresses showing. They knew I had contacted both of them. They each sent me their information, and then they mentioned that they were starting a new doula service in which they would work together. The fee was only a tiny bit more than for a single doula – what a deal! My husband was still skeptical, but we met with both of them together. I decided I had to have them both. This is OUR child, but this is MY birth, and I want the best possible team working with me.
Shoshanah B. written 4/21/2011
Her story will be updated.
