Shoshanah's Path to Two Doulas, Part 1

My journey to hiring TWO doulas

When my husband and I were preparing for the birth of our first child 2 years ago, I had never really heard of a doula. I dragged my husband to a hospital childbirth class, a massage class, a breastfeeding class, the birth class for our OB practice, and finally, an independent natural childbirth class. It was during this last class that I really came to find out what a doula was – someone who knew what the heck was going on! I really wanted someone like that, especially because I didn't feel comfortable having my mom at my birth (nor did I think she'd make it since she lives 7 hours away)! But after all the time and money spent on classes, my husband was skeptical. To him, it was MORE money to be shelled out to pay for someone to rub my back. Since he gave in to my request for all those classes, I gave in and we didn't hire a doula. We were under the care of midwives, so I thought we were safe. I learned the hard way.

At 37 weeks and 3 days into my first pregnancy, my water broke. It was a big pop and gush. Like good first time parents, we called the midwife and reported what happened, and then we called our parents. Since it was late at night, we went to bed. My husband slept, but I didn't. I kept waiting for something to happen. Surely I would go into labor on my own! It never happened. At 2 AM I managed to fall asleep, only to be awoken by my mom 2 hours later as they informed me they had arrived in Georgia. In the morning, about 10 hours after my water broke, we went into the hospital to be induced. I was scared of what pitocin might do to my plan for an unmedicated birth, but I didn't feel like I had any choice. 

When the induction started, I was 3cm & 80% effaced. I was pretty happy with such a good starting point. The pitocin was not anything like I had imagined – it was actually much easier. I never felt anything I would describe as pain, just lots of tightening and pressure. I felt strong and powerful. I was impressed with myself for handling it so well. I remembered to stay upright as much as possible, to go to the bathroom, to sit on my birth ball and rock. We had our books from our classes for reference, and we used some techniques in them to try to help things along (we knew that our baby was OP, and we tried what we knew how to do to turn him, but we didn't know enough). I felt like we were doing well. But eventually, things began to take a slippery slope as far as possible away from the “intervention free” birth I had envisioned. 

First, they wanted to put a contraction monitor in me because I wasn't complaining enough through the contractions. They didn't believe they were strong enough. I let them. Then, I was moving too much to keep a good tracing on the baby's heart rate, so they wanted to put a scalp electrode in to get a better reading. I told them as long as I could stay on my birth ball, that was fine, too. It came out twice and had to be reinserted. At the 24 hour mark after my water had been broken, I was given IV antibiotics. When I had been in labor for 15 hours (water broken 26 hours), the midwife (who I had met once before – in a class) gave me an ultimatum. I hadn't progressed in 11 hours (at which point I was 5 cm) and she wanted me to get an epidural, take a nap, and see if that would help. At this point, I knew that she had given up on me. I lost my faith in myself, and I consented to the epidural. To me, it was the epitome of failure. I knew that getting it wouldn't help because I had felt relaxed all day. I knew that I was getting a c-section. An hour after it was placed, the midwife returned (from assisting in another c-section), declared me unchanged, and I consented to my c-section. There was nothing wrong with me, and there was nothing wrong with my baby.

I slept through my son's birth – partly because I was exhausted from being up for 2 days, and partly because I was given sedative medications. When my son had to go to the nursery for bloodwork, my husband went with him and I was alone in recovery – watching a clock, so drugged up and tired that I didn't even know what day it was (for a few days). 

So why did I tell you this story? Well, I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. In some ways, I believe I HAD to go through this experience to truly understand what was missing from my birth. I believe, without a doubt, that having a doula would have changed my entire birth experience. When my water broke, I would have called her and we would have talked about my options (besides pitocin). My induction could have waited. She might have suggested nipple stimulation to help secrete natural oxytocin, instead of flooding my body with chemicals. When we were stalled at 5 cm for all those hours, with a baby we knew was posterior (from an ultrasound the day my water broke), she would have known more techniques to help him turn, and she would have known how to better use the ones we tried. When the midwife came at me with an ultimatum, she would have had me seriously think about it. She would not have given up on me. All I needed was one person to tell me that I could still do this, that I wasn't failing. And if all that still led to the point where the midwife recommended a c-section, she would have reminded me that I was fine, and my baby was fine. She would have reminded me that I could say no. And even if my birth ultimately ended in a c-section, I would never have had to be alone. Someone would have been there for me when my husband was watching over our son. 

So, here I am, 19-1/2 months after the day my world changed. I'm 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant today, with a baby girl. This time, I didn't drag my husband to any classes. I have prepared for this birth using the Hypnobabies home study course. But I DID make one demand (it was non-negotiable) - we hired a doula. We hired two, actually. 

It all started when I was about 9 weeks pregnant. I met two doulas at a teacher training I was taking to become certified to teach one of the birth classes we took with our first pregnancy. One had had two VBACs herself, and the other had just had her sixth baby. I liked them both for different reasons, so I emailed them about their doula services. Ultimately, we chose someone else. But when our birth plans changed, the first thing I wanted to do was reevaluate my choice of doula. I emailed them again, but this time I sent the email with both of their email addresses showing. They knew I had contacted both of them. They each sent me their information, and then they mentioned that they were starting a new doula service in which they would work together. The fee was only a tiny bit more than for a single doula – what a deal! My husband was still skeptical, but we met with both of them together. I decided I had to have them both. This is OUR child, but this is MY birth, and I want the best possible team working with me.


Shoshanah B. written 4/21/2011


Her story will be updated.

Sarah's Journey to a Doula

My Journey to a Doula

My first birth was an experience that had great potential and much heartache. I was induced on my due date because that was the day my doctor induced people. I was told with my gestational diabetes (which was pretty much non-existent) it would be better to induce now then wait. My mom was in town for only 2 weeks and she didn’t help the cause and only added to the pressure to allow the induction.

My labor experience was incredible, thanks to that amazing thing called an epidural. I never felt uncomfortable at any point, and napped the whole day till around 4pm when I was told I was fully dilated and could begin pushing. I had a nice well written birth plan specifying I wanted to labor in an upright position, well that was not happening. I was told that on my back was best and since I had the epidural we could not use the bed and squatting bar like I had planned on. I never had an urge to push (pretty sure baby was pretty high up) so they told me I can wait a little while and start again. After 3 straight hours of pushing, which I felt like was
only an hour, I was basically backed into a c-section. At this point I was not tired at all, and could have kept pushing. They just kept saying he is stuck and not coming out but he was perfectly happy great heart rate and showing no signs of distress. They could see the top part of his head, he was pretty far up, but would not come under the pelvic bone according to the nurse. I kept thinking if I could just stand up I could surely get him out. I agreed to the section and was in the most unreal pain at that point, mind you up till then I felt nothing. I kept thinking he was on his way and could make it but they were already planning my surgery and took me out to be prepped. I was sedated after my son was born and 2 hours later was able to see and
hold him for the first time. I could not see straight and kept worrying that I would drop him as I felt very dizzy and out of it. I was very upset about being knocked out because I told the doctor and anesthesiologist that I did NOT want anything after they took my son out. They basically sedated me without my consent and told me that they gave me something since I was upset. Of course I was upset I was robbed of the one thing I looked forward to my whole life, to birth my child. My son was never held by my husband and laid alone for 2 hours in a bassinet till I woke. The nurses ignored my instructions, written and verbal for not Vit K shot and gave it to him anyways and gave him his first bath in that time. I remember waking up and feeling like he was not mine. It felt like that for months even though he looked just like my mother, I was completely absent for his birth and had a hard time connecting to him.

Fast forward 12 months and I am expecting again. Having a year to think about my experience I came to many conclusions of where things went wrong. Having the epidural and a nurse who didn’t want me off my back is what I contribute the most to my CS. The squatting position opens the pelvis by up to 10%.

I feel certain that if I would have been allowed up, out of bed, and to labor in a different position my son would have been born vaginally. If I would have just had one person there on my side rallying for me telling me that it was ok to insist on changing positions and that my son was doing fine and we could wait a little longer. My family knew nothing about birth and went solely on what the nurses and Doctor said. This time that was not going to happen. I would have someone informed to remind me of my rights, encourage my decisions and help me make it through my birth without it leading into a unnecessary cesarean.

This pregnancy I have a doula because I need someone there for me to prevent what happened the last time. To help me labor in various positions, help with pain management since I plan on going sans epidural, and to encourage me emotionally when I start to feel like I can’t do it. I think the missing component in my first birth was definitely a doula and if I could do it again I would have had one with my son and hopefully prevented the first cut.

Update to my birth story coming soon: June 2011

-Sarah

Lindsey G. - Path to a Doula

I didn't come to having a doula for my births easily. With my first child, I didn't know what a doula even was. I thought that taking childbirth classes at my local hospital made me informed. Boy was I wrong. Not only was I not informed, I wasn't even close to being prepared. Fortunately for me, time was on my side for that birth. It didn't go terribly and I felt that I got a very typical childbirth experience. My water broke on its own at 35 weeks and I had a baby girl in my arms 5 hours later. I had minimal interventions because the labor was so quick, there was very little time for anyone to really meddle with things.

With my second child, I didn't know what a doula was either. I was still living in my bubble of thinking I was prepared because I had gone through it before and I did take that one class at the hospital. At 35 weeks I had a vaginal exam. My OB felt something "not head" down there. I was sent for an ultrasound to determine what body part was there. It was both feet. At that point, the OB wanted to schedule a c-section. I pushed and begged for another option. Not being very informed, I wasn't even sure what could be done but I refused to schedule a c-section. The OB attempted an ECV the following week in full hospital style. It didn't work. I refused to let them "go ahead and section me." I wasn't even sure where to turn or what to do. In my head, I was thinking that maybe I could get to the hospital late enough in labor that they would just let me deliver vaginally. I had no support. No one to ask about how to turn the baby without medical intervention. A doula could have helped me so much. Even if he didn't turn, a doula could have been my much needed support during that time. I had a c-section at 37 weeks. I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced (not even contracting regularly) when they put me on the table.

With my third child, I did much more to be informed and prepared. I read book after book about childbirth. I became active in ICAN. I found a VBAC supportive provider. Then, my husband and I had the talk about hiring a doula. He didn't want one, I did. He claimed he could read the books and be helpful. He didn't want anyone else coming in and being my "partner" in childbirth, he really wanted to be the one to be there for me. I agreed to do it his way. After all, I felt I was much better prepared and had much better information this time around. I thought I knew all the things a doula would know, so I should be fine. I did have a successful VBAC and it did go fine, well even. Even though I had a successful VBAC and was so much more informed, I still felt something was a bit missing in the birth experience.

Now, pregnant with my fourth, I set my mind to determine what that "missing piece" was. I decided to hire a doula this time around, even though I am even better prepared this time. My husband didn't put up any argument this time, because I think he felt that something was missing, too. I now know a doula is not just about having someone there with all the childbirth info in their brains. I know it isn't just about having someone who knows what to do when the baby seems posterior or you need to progress labor a little more quickly. It isn't about having another birth partner. Having a doula is asking someone to be in birth with you. It is something deeper than just physical tips and tricks to deal with birth. A doula provides the atmosphere and the guidance, not just in the physical aspects of birth, but the emotional and spiritual ones as well. She stands there, not to take the place of your partner, but to hold both of your hands through the birth to make it a full experience. She is a friend. She is a helper. She is a rock. Will having a doula in this birth make the birth go perfectly? Probably not. Birth isn't as predictable as all that. I do expect that she will help me finally, in the birth of my fourth child, have a full experience. I'm looking forward to having more support and more guidance than I've had previously. I really think it will make a big difference to me- not in the outcome, but in the experience. Lindsey G

Jen M's Doula Thoughts

I kind of wanted a doula the first time around. We ended up unable to find one and went into labor as first time parents with minimal idea what to expect or do. The midwife I had counted on having at my side wasn't available when I called with my water broken, and suddenly there was no one with birth experience there to support me who wasn't a complete stranger. My poor partner tried his best to stay at my side, but was so hungry and the only thing he had to eat was a burrito that smelled like the end of the world to me while I labored and seemed like the noisiest wrapped piece of food that could possibly have ever existed. It left us with the choice of him going hungry or me going without the support of anyone I knew. If we'd had a doula, this would have been a perfect opportunity for her to provide support while he stepped out to eat. I also found myself with what turned out to be highly unrealistic expectations for my husband. As soon as I went into labor, everything we'd learned during pregnancy flew out of our minds and he didn't seem to know what to do when I needed something and didn't know what. We could really have used a doula there, not just to support me, but to support him so he could support me. Everything would have gone far smoother if there had been someone present to suggest a position change, bring us a hot or cold pack, and remind not only myself, but my husband that we had the right to refuse anything, or at least ask questions, when it came to treatment of myself and our child. 

This pregnancy hiring a doula was second priority (after picking a highly supportive care provider). My first child was the healthy, happy product of a speedy, uncomplicated labor, and if I felt that much need for support during that experience, I definitely want a doula there when I have no clue if this birth will go the same way or if it will end up being twelve hours of hard back labor. I very much hope that now, after experiencing birth together once and learning a great deal more about the process, I won't need much outside of my husband's capabilities for support and our doula's primary function will be to bring us ice, heat hot packs, take pictures, and stay out of the way. That said, I feel much better knowing that if things don't work out that way, I have a backup plan in my doula's ability to help my husband help me through a long, stressful labor, provide suggestions he might not think of in the moment, be a calming presence when our calm has run out, and to support me so my husband can take a break without leaving me completely alone. 

-Jen