My Journey to a Doula
My first birth was an experience that had great potential and much heartache. I was induced on my due date because that was the day my doctor induced people. I was told with my gestational diabetes (which was pretty much non-existent) it would be better to induce now then wait. My mom was in town for only 2 weeks and she didn’t help the cause and only added to the pressure to allow the induction.
My labor experience was incredible, thanks to that amazing thing called an epidural. I never felt uncomfortable at any point, and napped the whole day till around 4pm when I was told I was fully dilated and could begin pushing. I had a nice well written birth plan specifying I wanted to labor in an upright position, well that was not happening. I was told that on my back was best and since I had the epidural we could not use the bed and squatting bar like I had planned on. I never had an urge to push (pretty sure baby was pretty high up) so they told me I can wait a little while and start again. After 3 straight hours of pushing, which I felt like was
only an hour, I was basically backed into a c-section. At this point I was not tired at all, and could have kept pushing. They just kept saying he is stuck and not coming out but he was perfectly happy great heart rate and showing no signs of distress. They could see the top part of his head, he was pretty far up, but would not come under the pelvic bone according to the nurse. I kept thinking if I could just stand up I could surely get him out. I agreed to the section and was in the most unreal pain at that point, mind you up till then I felt nothing. I kept thinking he was on his way and could make it but they were already planning my surgery and took me out to be prepped. I was sedated after my son was born and 2 hours later was able to see and
hold him for the first time. I could not see straight and kept worrying that I would drop him as I felt very dizzy and out of it. I was very upset about being knocked out because I told the doctor and anesthesiologist that I did NOT want anything after they took my son out. They basically sedated me without my consent and told me that they gave me something since I was upset. Of course I was upset I was robbed of the one thing I looked forward to my whole life, to birth my child. My son was never held by my husband and laid alone for 2 hours in a bassinet till I woke. The nurses ignored my instructions, written and verbal for not Vit K shot and gave it to him anyways and gave him his first bath in that time. I remember waking up and feeling like he was not mine. It felt like that for months even though he looked just like my mother, I was completely absent for his birth and had a hard time connecting to him.
Fast forward 12 months and I am expecting again. Having a year to think about my experience I came to many conclusions of where things went wrong. Having the epidural and a nurse who didn’t want me off my back is what I contribute the most to my CS. The squatting position opens the pelvis by up to 10%.
I feel certain that if I would have been allowed up, out of bed, and to labor in a different position my son would have been born vaginally. If I would have just had one person there on my side rallying for me telling me that it was ok to insist on changing positions and that my son was doing fine and we could wait a little longer. My family knew nothing about birth and went solely on what the nurses and Doctor said. This time that was not going to happen. I would have someone informed to remind me of my rights, encourage my decisions and help me make it through my birth without it leading into a unnecessary cesarean.
This pregnancy I have a doula because I need someone there for me to prevent what happened the last time. To help me labor in various positions, help with pain management since I plan on going sans epidural, and to encourage me emotionally when I start to feel like I can’t do it. I think the missing component in my first birth was definitely a doula and if I could do it again I would have had one with my son and hopefully prevented the first cut.
Update to my birth story coming soon: June 2011
-Sarah
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