Jen M's Doula Thoughts

I kind of wanted a doula the first time around. We ended up unable to find one and went into labor as first time parents with minimal idea what to expect or do. The midwife I had counted on having at my side wasn't available when I called with my water broken, and suddenly there was no one with birth experience there to support me who wasn't a complete stranger. My poor partner tried his best to stay at my side, but was so hungry and the only thing he had to eat was a burrito that smelled like the end of the world to me while I labored and seemed like the noisiest wrapped piece of food that could possibly have ever existed. It left us with the choice of him going hungry or me going without the support of anyone I knew. If we'd had a doula, this would have been a perfect opportunity for her to provide support while he stepped out to eat. I also found myself with what turned out to be highly unrealistic expectations for my husband. As soon as I went into labor, everything we'd learned during pregnancy flew out of our minds and he didn't seem to know what to do when I needed something and didn't know what. We could really have used a doula there, not just to support me, but to support him so he could support me. Everything would have gone far smoother if there had been someone present to suggest a position change, bring us a hot or cold pack, and remind not only myself, but my husband that we had the right to refuse anything, or at least ask questions, when it came to treatment of myself and our child. 

This pregnancy hiring a doula was second priority (after picking a highly supportive care provider). My first child was the healthy, happy product of a speedy, uncomplicated labor, and if I felt that much need for support during that experience, I definitely want a doula there when I have no clue if this birth will go the same way or if it will end up being twelve hours of hard back labor. I very much hope that now, after experiencing birth together once and learning a great deal more about the process, I won't need much outside of my husband's capabilities for support and our doula's primary function will be to bring us ice, heat hot packs, take pictures, and stay out of the way. That said, I feel much better knowing that if things don't work out that way, I have a backup plan in my doula's ability to help my husband help me through a long, stressful labor, provide suggestions he might not think of in the moment, be a calming presence when our calm has run out, and to support me so my husband can take a break without leaving me completely alone. 

-Jen