Lindsey G. - Path to a Doula

I didn't come to having a doula for my births easily. With my first child, I didn't know what a doula even was. I thought that taking childbirth classes at my local hospital made me informed. Boy was I wrong. Not only was I not informed, I wasn't even close to being prepared. Fortunately for me, time was on my side for that birth. It didn't go terribly and I felt that I got a very typical childbirth experience. My water broke on its own at 35 weeks and I had a baby girl in my arms 5 hours later. I had minimal interventions because the labor was so quick, there was very little time for anyone to really meddle with things.

With my second child, I didn't know what a doula was either. I was still living in my bubble of thinking I was prepared because I had gone through it before and I did take that one class at the hospital. At 35 weeks I had a vaginal exam. My OB felt something "not head" down there. I was sent for an ultrasound to determine what body part was there. It was both feet. At that point, the OB wanted to schedule a c-section. I pushed and begged for another option. Not being very informed, I wasn't even sure what could be done but I refused to schedule a c-section. The OB attempted an ECV the following week in full hospital style. It didn't work. I refused to let them "go ahead and section me." I wasn't even sure where to turn or what to do. In my head, I was thinking that maybe I could get to the hospital late enough in labor that they would just let me deliver vaginally. I had no support. No one to ask about how to turn the baby without medical intervention. A doula could have helped me so much. Even if he didn't turn, a doula could have been my much needed support during that time. I had a c-section at 37 weeks. I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced (not even contracting regularly) when they put me on the table.

With my third child, I did much more to be informed and prepared. I read book after book about childbirth. I became active in ICAN. I found a VBAC supportive provider. Then, my husband and I had the talk about hiring a doula. He didn't want one, I did. He claimed he could read the books and be helpful. He didn't want anyone else coming in and being my "partner" in childbirth, he really wanted to be the one to be there for me. I agreed to do it his way. After all, I felt I was much better prepared and had much better information this time around. I thought I knew all the things a doula would know, so I should be fine. I did have a successful VBAC and it did go fine, well even. Even though I had a successful VBAC and was so much more informed, I still felt something was a bit missing in the birth experience.

Now, pregnant with my fourth, I set my mind to determine what that "missing piece" was. I decided to hire a doula this time around, even though I am even better prepared this time. My husband didn't put up any argument this time, because I think he felt that something was missing, too. I now know a doula is not just about having someone there with all the childbirth info in their brains. I know it isn't just about having someone who knows what to do when the baby seems posterior or you need to progress labor a little more quickly. It isn't about having another birth partner. Having a doula is asking someone to be in birth with you. It is something deeper than just physical tips and tricks to deal with birth. A doula provides the atmosphere and the guidance, not just in the physical aspects of birth, but the emotional and spiritual ones as well. She stands there, not to take the place of your partner, but to hold both of your hands through the birth to make it a full experience. She is a friend. She is a helper. She is a rock. Will having a doula in this birth make the birth go perfectly? Probably not. Birth isn't as predictable as all that. I do expect that she will help me finally, in the birth of my fourth child, have a full experience. I'm looking forward to having more support and more guidance than I've had previously. I really think it will make a big difference to me- not in the outcome, but in the experience. Lindsey G